My Dad Is Apparently Dying

And I feel nothing.

My parents have been separated since I was 2 years old.

My mother is a saint on earth.  She has faults, and life has treated her very harshly in years past.  But she has been my mother, father, and strongest advocate my entire life.

My father is a selfish man.  A miser.  In years past he got at my mother through my sister and I.  He would pay the bear minimum in support.  It was often late.  And it gets better.

In high school, I was somewhat of a musical prodigy.  I played clarinet (my main instrument), piano and organ to performance level (Level 8 AMEB if you know anything about that).  I also played tenor sax, flute, bass clarinet, and, percussion.  In my senior year of High School I was urged by my concert master and my music teach to apply to the State Conservatorium of Music.  The problem was I did not actually own a clarinet.  I had one on permanent loan from my school.  A clarinet in 1989 was approximately $450.  Almost two weeks wages for my mother.

My mother called my father and explained everything that the school and my concert master had told them.  After listening to my mother on the phone, my father replied that he couldn't afford it.

My other owned the following in 1989;

• A nice house with a pool
• 3 cars
• 2 sprint cars for speedway - his favorite past time
• And his own truck and van repair business

And yet, that man could not part with $225 dollars - in spite of the sacrifices my Mother was prepared to make - so I could have my own instrument and go on to higher learning and an orchestral career.

This is not the only example of my fathers pettiness.  There are dozens more.  But this one hurt the most.  He denied me a future career.

My father has been told - after several small strokes and serious heart issues, including heart attacks - that there is now nothing else that can be done.  And, that he should make the most of the time that he has left.

I have not spoken to my father in at least 10 years.  The only reason I spoke to him last time was due to urging by my mother when it looked like he was going to die.

I do not wish to speak to him now.

I feel nothing except karma.  It may be a harsh thing to say.  But I believe this is his own Judgement.

When he leaves this world, and goes to the next, I hope HaShem has a long and stern talk with him.

Blessings to you all.

Damien